18Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.
19Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.
20Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.
21Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.
It is interesting that this week the passage addresses how one’s life should reflect the “clothing” of Christ in the home; interesting because I just taught a lesson from 1Peter 3 regarding this similar topic. And what I have seen in my studies is a pattern of this type of household behavior being commanded not just in Paul’s writings, but in Peter’s as well. Wives submitting to husbands; husbands loving their wives; children obeying their parents; slaves submitting to their masters; masters treating their slaves fairly. Why such order?
I agree with those who believe our God is a God of order, that He has ordered the universe in a way that causes it (when all things are doing as intended) to work in a peaceful and effective way. All pieces of the “well-oiled machine” have specific roles and responsibilities; all pieces have certain functions to perform in order to keep things running in a way that is divine. When one piece fails to function as intended, all the other pieces are affected. When one piece wants to function as something other than its designed purpose, it brings confusion to the other pieces.
But we are a fallen creation. We often want what we aren’t to have. We often want to be what we weren’t intended to be. We don’t like our “assignments” or roles in life. So we take it upon ourselves to change that order rather than grow in the things of our intended purposes.
Why do I bring this up? I bring it up because this passage can be very divisive for some. The husband and the father are instructed to love their wives and treat their children in ways that may be unnatural and difficult. Some husbands don’t like to be told what kind of husband they should be. The same goes for wives. Some wives don’t like the idea of playing the submissive role in the marriage relationship. It feels demeaning. They feel like property. And what child likes to obey his or her parents? They often want to step across the line to see what it’s like on the other side. We all – children, husbands, wives, fathers (why no mention of mothers?) – sometimes want to take it upon ourselves to do what is outside of God’s intended purposes for our lives.
But who can’t relate to these commands of Paul? What wife doesn’t feel the strain that comes from the command to be submissive to her husband (even as a slave to a master – 1Peter 3:6)? What husband doesn’t feel the weight and burden of loving his wife (even as Christ loved the church – Eph. 5:25)? What father doesn’t struggle with bringing a work attitude (and its frustrations) into the home in the raising of children? These commands are given exactly because we need them. We need them in order to bring us out of the chaos of the fallen world and to make our lives a living testimony of God. If we will trust God in the roles He has given us, the world might look upon us as strange – even antiquated in our thinking. But they will see a harmony in our lives that transcends our culture. How can we communicate to the world that God’s ways really work? It really must start in the home.
So what does it mean for a wife to be submissive? What does it mean for a husband to love his wife? And what does it mean for children to obey their parents in all things and for fathers not to exasperate them? These are tough questions. But I think the greater question is whether we are prepared to live in such a way that our treatment of one another unmistakably reflects these characteristics. Are wives willing to submit to their husbands in a way that they could be described as submissive? Are husbands willing to love their wives in such a way that they could be described as sacrificial and selfless in their love? Children… well, children are definitely a work in progress (but aren’t we all?)!
So that is my challenge for you today and for this week. Make up your mind to live the way God intended – even when it hurts! Really go for it this week, and see how things go at home. I truly believe that a submissive wife is easier to love, and a loving husband makes it easier for the wife to submit. I encourage you to try it even if your partner doesn’t cooperate or “return the favor”. The longer you are committed to living this way, the greater the rewards. And even if you don’t see the rewards in this life, know that it pleases God because ultimately you do it for Him not because your partner deserves it.
And when things get difficult, the verse leading up to this difficult section might be worth considering:
And whatever you do in word or ded, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through Him to God the Father. (Col. 3:17)
And remember, God is a God of order, and He has ordered His creation to function as He designed. There is nothing more pleasing to God and more effective for living than doing things God’s way.